Coming Down the Home Stretch?

So here I sit on the second day of 2009, a steaming cup of Tension Tamer tea by my side and I'm just waiting. For what you may ask? It's 4:06 p.m. and the caregiver just left Blanche. So I'm waiting for the banging to start on the door that connects our house to her apartment. I wish that I didn't waste time waiting for it, but I do. There's a note hanging on the door. It says: "Blanche: I am working today. Please do not disturb me. Come over at 5:00 p.m. and we'll have dinner".

That usually does not stop her, but maybe today will be different.

We went looking at assisted living places earlier this week. Visited two: Coachman's Square and Emeritus (formerly Brighton Gardens). Both are in Woodbridge. We really liked the first and really disliked the second. It was a very sad experience for me; I can only imagine how Tracy felt. I swear, if anything like Alzheimer's ever happens to me, I'll pull a Thelma and Louise long before I become what I now know as "lower functioning".

However, I do know that Blanche is at a stage where she needs to be somewhere else. And not just for our sake, but for hers as well. We can't possibly engage her on a daily basis like she needs to be engaged. A caregiver three hours a day barely makes a dent in keeping her active. She wanders more and more around our house. We've been told that she is looking for something that she will never be able to find. For the same reason that she endlessly unzips and zips her purse when she's in the car with us - ask her what she's looking for and she'll tell you that she'll know when she finds it.

Tracy's sister-in-law is also looking at places in Florida, which is a huge help. Since it's a massive industry down there, we figured that it would be less expensive. And less expensive means that Blanche's money will last much longer for the quality of care she should get. It really shouldn't matter how much money you have when it comes to caring for the elderly, but boy does it! Just from what I've seen, it seems to me that you don't want your loved one to end up in a nursing home, but not everyone has the money to afford the type of assisted living facilities that are geared toward memory care.

Memory care - I learned that it means the facility has a locked area where the residents can wander around without leaving the building or getting into harm's way. It makes them feel like they are still in charge of themselves and since they don't know they're in a locked facility, I think it's okay. Apparently some people think the residents are locked up like crazy people, but those are just small-minded people who really don't understand the illness.

Anyway, an update on Blanche. She is starting to say more and more things that don't make any sense and we cannot decipher. On New Year's Eve, she said goodnight, went over to her house, changed her clothes and came back over. She asked Tracy for the "strips" for her teeth, which she insisted were in our refrigerator. Not sure what she was getting at with that one.

Last night, after dinner, she said she had to get home because her little girl was all by herself. We asked her if she meant her cat, and she said no. So Tracy said if the little girl was over in the apartment right now, she wanted to come over and meet her. So off they went. When Tracy came back, she told me her mother said, "see, that's my little black girl over there" and she pointed to her cat, Cleo.

So, I do feel as if we are coming down the home stretch regarding our living situation with Blanche. I also think that if Tracy had been able to be more open with her brother and his family, they would have understood earlier how difficult it is to care for Blanche. I also understand that we all have our own way of dealing with life-altering situations (this is mine) and really, no one prepares you for caring for a parent who is slowly disappearing before your very eyes. That said, I'm happy that they are providing support now that they understand what has been going on.

We're going to see one more place in Southbury called Kensington Green, hopefully sometime next week. To be continued...and by the way, it's now 4:28 and Blanche has only banged on the door twice since 4:06...