"Something is all screwy...

...in here," and Blanche pointed to her head. These are the moments where I feel the worst for her. They are brief moments of clarity where she knows something is wrong, and she knows that it's with her, but she can't figure out what it is.

Tracy's grandmother died today. We spent a couple of hours with her yesterday in the nursing home and they had said that they didn't think she would make it through the weekend. They also said they would call us so we would have time to get there. But it didn't work out that way. They called around 8:30 this morning and said she had passed. So Tracy asked if we could go and see her and they said yes. So that's what we did this morning. It was really sad. Her grandmother had just made her 100th birthday on Wednesday. It's a funny world that we live in where euthanasia is against the law, but it's okay to deny a human being food and water, give them morphine to "keep them comfortable" and let them starve to death.

Anyway, Tracy has had to tell her mother about 10 times today that her grandmother has died. She keeps saying that she didn't know and it's been extremely difficult to deal with her today. I've learned that with Blanche and this illness, it's all about her. When Tracy first told her that her (Blanche's) mother-in-law had died, her response was "I was just going to ask you how she was doing." And that was it. No sorrow, no grief, no tears. It's a little weird. It kind of takes away Tracy's ability to grieve for her grandmother. And she needs to grieve because she was the closest person to her grandmother and it's a big loss for her, more than she'll admit.

So here we sit watching football, drinking wine and hoping Blanche goes to bed soon. She already said goodnight once and came back within five minutes looking for something, but she couldn't tell us what it was. I'm dealing with her now because Tracy has had enough for today and she needs a break.