Long Overdue

This new post is long overdue. I'm not sure what happened to July. It just came and went so quickly. There were several visits to Blanche, the most recent being last Friday. She was very happy to see us and actually said my name. She hasn't said my name in a long time, so it was a nice surprise to know that at least on that day, she remembered who I was. She talked for awhile about how much she likes Kensington Green and how long it took her to decide that was where she wanted to live.

As for other things, her hair was dirty and the handicapped seat in her shower had two piles of nicely folded, dry clothes on it, leading us to believe that the shower had not been used in some time. We unpacked everything from her clothes hamper. Just can't get her to stop doing that. We found her underwear, tucked away in her nightstand and returned it to her dresser. My big find of the evening was the 24 bingo balls hidden away in her bathroom! What a find! I initially thought they were those oversized gum balls that I ate too many of when I was a kid. Glad I didn't try one because I'm sure it would have broken a tooth!

Cleo is good, although she probably needs to be checked out by the vet. She doesn't seem to be able to eat the dry food anymore, so we've been bringing moist food for her. We can't give her the cans because Blanche cannot monitor that and there would be smelly, open cans all over the room.

On another front, I took my Dad to the geriatric doctor on Wednesday and his dementia is worse than it was six months ago. He told the doctor that it was 2005. He also told her he goes out everyday, takes my mom shopping, and jumps in his truck and drives to the beach a couple of times a week! Interestingly, that is exactly what he was doing in 2005, but he doesn't do that anymore. He NEVER gets out of bed unless we make him. The doctors told me there is a great deal of overlapping with depression and dementia and it's hard to distinguish one from the other. I just know that I wanted them to increase his depression medicine to maybe give him a little motivation and I'm waiting to hear if they'll do it.

Living like this is taking such a toll on my Mom. Since she doesn't drive, she relies on my brother and I for everything. And she has to deal with my Dad and his depression and his dementia 24/7. She's handling it as best she can, but I know she is overwhelmed sometimes.

And to all of those health care professionals out there, please heed this word of advice from an average person. PLEASE do not tell elderly people that they should go to daycare! Why would a professional say that repeatedly to an 80-year-old ex-Marine? To him, daycare is a place where helpless little kids go when their parents have to go to work! I actually got the doctor alone and asked her to say "activity center" or "senior center". How hard is that?

I'm trying to stay positive because my mother needs that from me. But it's so hard. This is my Dad - my hero. He's the guy I followed around when I was a kid. It was me climbing the ladder right behind him to fix my grandparent's roof. It was me hauling the wheelbarrow full of stones into our backyard to extend the usable area of our yard. And now it's me taking him to the VA, getting him into a wheelchair and making sure I understand what is going on. It just sucks. And there's no nice assisted living facility waiting for him when the time comes and we can't take care of him at home. There's the VA hospital in Rocky Hill and I have no idea what that place is like. So that's where we are with all of that.

Keeping up with Medical News

There's an illness that is similar to Alzheimer's and I think it's important for those of us with aging parents to be aware of it. Check out this link for a disease that has many similar symptoms of both Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. The goods news is that it is very treatable once diagnosed. It's called Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus, or N.P.H. for short.

Read the entire article at the link below.

http://www.kauz.com/news/49629637.html

I also posted this to my Facebook page. I just wanted to make sure it gets as much exposure as possible.

Visitors are a Good Thing!

So in recent weeks, Blanche has had visits from several friends, her roommate from nursing school and a cousin. It's always nice to hear that because in part (and perhaps selfishly), it takes some of the pressure off Tracy given that we were the only two people seeing her regularly for quite some time.

I sometimes wish I could create some type of pamphlet that Tracy and I could give to people to prep them for a visit with her mom. It is so interesting to me that in some cases, not all, Blanche's visitors feel sorry for themselves because they feel as if they have lost a friend and that makes them sad. Well, yeah? Think how Tracy feels. It's her mom who has disappeared right before her eyes, yet still lives and breathes and exists in this world! People are funny like that I guess. The closest I can come in comparison is the person you may know (because we all know at least one), who doesn't go to wakes or funerals because it's too hard on them. Really? What about the people that are burying their loved one? Do you think it's hard on them? Do you think perhaps they need your support at such a difficult time?

Anyway, now it's my hope that the people who have gone to visit her will continue to do that as regularly as they can, at least through the summer.

The other thing that has surfaced because of these visits is that I think the assisted living facility should have regular communication with the family as to how their loved one is doing. Tracy never hears anything about her mom from the facility. They only have about 25 people living in the secured area of the facility. They should be able to generate a report that keeps Tracy apprised of the activities her mom participates in (or addresses the issues if she doesn't participate), the people who come and visit her, and just the overall state of her well being. Sending out something like that just once a month would be a great comfort to Tracy and I'm sure many other families as well.

Other issues we are dealing with relate to my parents. My dad suffers from depression and mild dementia. We were able to get him on an anti-depressant about six months ago. I called a couple of months ago to ask his doctor if we could bump up the dose because he was on a very low amount. They told me no because they were concerned he would suffer side affects and since he wasn't exhibiting any side affects, they left it as it was.

Now, despite all my Dad's promises he made in the fall to start doing more, he only gets out of bed when he absolutely has to. And even then, sometimes he'll take my mom to church or to the hairdresser and not even get out of his bathrobe! Even though he doesn't get out of the car, I am literally distraught that my Dad thinks that is okay behavior. If someone told me 10 years ago that my active, lively, strong father would literally have lost the desire to live I would have said they were crazy. But that is exactly what has happened to him. He is the last left of all his siblings and all his friends. He has absolutely no interest in anything and that is so hard on my mom. She doesn't drive, so she relies on my brother and I if my Dad isn't leaving the house.

I'm going to call my Dad's doctor again tomorrow and request an increase in his medication. Maybe they'll listen to me this time.