Visitors are a Good Thing!

So in recent weeks, Blanche has had visits from several friends, her roommate from nursing school and a cousin. It's always nice to hear that because in part (and perhaps selfishly), it takes some of the pressure off Tracy given that we were the only two people seeing her regularly for quite some time.

I sometimes wish I could create some type of pamphlet that Tracy and I could give to people to prep them for a visit with her mom. It is so interesting to me that in some cases, not all, Blanche's visitors feel sorry for themselves because they feel as if they have lost a friend and that makes them sad. Well, yeah? Think how Tracy feels. It's her mom who has disappeared right before her eyes, yet still lives and breathes and exists in this world! People are funny like that I guess. The closest I can come in comparison is the person you may know (because we all know at least one), who doesn't go to wakes or funerals because it's too hard on them. Really? What about the people that are burying their loved one? Do you think it's hard on them? Do you think perhaps they need your support at such a difficult time?

Anyway, now it's my hope that the people who have gone to visit her will continue to do that as regularly as they can, at least through the summer.

The other thing that has surfaced because of these visits is that I think the assisted living facility should have regular communication with the family as to how their loved one is doing. Tracy never hears anything about her mom from the facility. They only have about 25 people living in the secured area of the facility. They should be able to generate a report that keeps Tracy apprised of the activities her mom participates in (or addresses the issues if she doesn't participate), the people who come and visit her, and just the overall state of her well being. Sending out something like that just once a month would be a great comfort to Tracy and I'm sure many other families as well.

Other issues we are dealing with relate to my parents. My dad suffers from depression and mild dementia. We were able to get him on an anti-depressant about six months ago. I called a couple of months ago to ask his doctor if we could bump up the dose because he was on a very low amount. They told me no because they were concerned he would suffer side affects and since he wasn't exhibiting any side affects, they left it as it was.

Now, despite all my Dad's promises he made in the fall to start doing more, he only gets out of bed when he absolutely has to. And even then, sometimes he'll take my mom to church or to the hairdresser and not even get out of his bathrobe! Even though he doesn't get out of the car, I am literally distraught that my Dad thinks that is okay behavior. If someone told me 10 years ago that my active, lively, strong father would literally have lost the desire to live I would have said they were crazy. But that is exactly what has happened to him. He is the last left of all his siblings and all his friends. He has absolutely no interest in anything and that is so hard on my mom. She doesn't drive, so she relies on my brother and I if my Dad isn't leaving the house.

I'm going to call my Dad's doctor again tomorrow and request an increase in his medication. Maybe they'll listen to me this time.