The Repetition is Maddening!!!

Yes, the repetition is maddening! I think that's the single most difficult part. Blanche doesn't know that between 4:15 and 5:45 today she came back and forth between her apartment and our house 11 times. No really.

The highlight of today was the new drink that Blanche invented. It consists of Diet Pepsi, fat free Half & Half and ice cubes. I tried to stop her but she insisted she drinks that all the time. Tracy was going to make her throw it away, but then we decided it didn't make much of a difference and we simply weren't up for one more argument.

So here we are, it's Tuesday night and I'm sitting in my chair; Tracy and Blanche are sitting on the couch because Blanche once again needed to talk to Tracy. By the time she sat down on the couch, all she could remember was that something was wrong and she needed to talk about it. So we don't know what it is because in the land of the sane, nothing is wrong. It's only wrong in Blanche's world and that my friends is the sadness of it all.

Blanche also said tonight that she needed to run right after dinner because Tracy was coming over to her apartment for dinner. What? Yeah, that's how I feel sometimes - like everyday. The more Blanche talks, the less sense she makes and you try to just carry on a mindless conversation anyway. There is only so much disagreeing, correcting and arguing a person can do in one day. I'm maxed out for today. Hang on while I grab a sip of wine...I drink a lot more at night than I ever used to.

So now the task falls on me to get a list of Alzheimer's facilities and start to call them to set up appointments for Tracy and I to go see. One more thing to add to the unending list.

Sometimes I feel like no one is on my side, but then today the thought struck me that there is one person on my side - Father Time! Father Time is looking out for me and he knows for sure that this too shall pass because everything (and everybody) passes at some point. If he could talk to me I think he would tell me to bide my time because even when I don't realize it, he is in action every single day, bringing Tracy and me one step closer to the freedom we used to have before Blanche moved in with us.

I know that sounds selfish but I challenge anyone out there to walk one mile, or one week, or even one day in our shoes and you will see what I mean. Blanche needs to live somewhere where they will care for her in every regard. There are some days when we are just not nice to her because we cannot take the repetition, the paranoia, the poor hygiene, the intrusiveness and everything else that goes with this illness for one more minute longer.

Even now as I write this, Blanche is talking to Tracy. Blanche says that her daughter Tracy is waiting for her over at her apartment. Tracy is trying to explain to her that she is Tracy and there is no other daughter over in her apartment. So Blanche said, what about my other child? And Tracy said that your other child is Richard and he's in Florida. So Blanche comes back with what about my other little child? Since there is no other little child, that is what Tracy tells her.

So then she asks Tracy, where am I going to sleep tonight? And Tracy says over in your apartment, in your bedroom. And Blanche says okay...and now I'm completely bored with this conversation and I need to go to my happy place for awhile. It's getting harder and harder to get there these days...but I'm counting heavily on my friend Father Time...